How to make your divorce as smooth as possible
We enter relationships and marriages with excitement, hope and great expectations. Sadly the reality is that close to 48% of marriages will end in divorce and this number is even higher for those in de facto relationships. Of course, no -one wants this to happen to them or their family, no-one ever enters a marriage or a long term de facto relationship knowing that one day it will end.
But if this happened to you or someone you know, it’s certainly not the end of the world. Of course there is a transitional period and at the beginning it can be tough and painful, with a sense of loss.
Research however has shown that if you a kind to yourself and have compassion for yourself, your ex and your children you will get through the divorce far better.
Cooperation, communication and Mediation
The end of a marriage or de facto relationship can understandably bring on intense emotions of grief, anger, frustration and confusion. It’s so important to recognise these feeling for what they are and to know that “feelings are not facts “ and will pass.
Sadly we have been conditioned to see divorce as a battle or a “fight” where there are “winners” and “losers”. Instead having smooth split from your ex, sees divorce as a life event, that happens and is an opportunity to learn, grow and create a bigger and better life for you and your family.
I know as a Divorce Lawyer, that it is sometimes difficult to negotiate or mediate or collaborate with an ex, but if you can prepare yourself by getting legal advice first, or speaking to a counsellor, psychologist or divorce coach, you will be in a far better position to discuss the issues between you and your ex.
Never underestimate the power of mediation, especially where both you and your ex know that you want to avoid going to Court and want to avoid the time and money it costs to go to Court.
If you choose the pathway of mediation, then be prepared to communicate, co-operate and compromise. It’s easy when you know that in the long run this attitude is best for you and your family. Remember one day your divorce will be over, whether it is done with grace and ease or whether it is a battle is your choice !
Look after your kids
Divorce can be a traumatic experience for children, but research shows that conflict between parents during a relationship and once the relationship has ended is the real culprit.
Taking care of yourself
Like any life changing event, it’s important to take care of you. If you want to achieve the best results, then you need to have a clear mind and be able to protect yourself. Taking care of you means, surrounding yourself with people who do not judge you and who want only what is best for you. They are the people who will listen to you when your are crying helplessly on the phone or you are feeling lost and lonely.
Physical activity does wonders when your emotions are low or flat. Ample research has shown that moving your body, shifts the chemicals and releases the “happy” chemicals.
How Psychologists can help?
Divorce is a difficult time for the entire family. Divorcing spouses and their children can benefit from speaking to a psychologist help them deal with their emotions and adjust to the changes. Psychologists can also help you think carefully about what went wrong in your marriage so you can avoid repeating any negative patterns in your next.
How Divorce Coaches can help?
Divorce or separation coaches are becoming more common and are particularly useful when people are looking for a mentor or a confidante to guide, empower and coach them to achieve a smooth divorce.
The information provided here is not legal advice. If you need legal advice us contact us on 8999 1800.