One of the most difficult tasks for people who go through separation, whether they were married or in a de- facto or same sex intimate relationship is parenting after separation. The difficulty arises because parents even when together often have different styles of parenting and this can become heightened or more noticeable when they separate.
There are three styles of parenting after separation that are common when parents separate.
- Co-operative parenting style- this style of parenting best serves children. It is generally child focused and puts the children’s interest and needs first. Parents who co parent have transitioned from being couples to being parents together and have deal with their emotions and adjusted to separated life.This style of parenting after separation, suits an equal shared care arrangement, where the parents have to communicate often and have to make arrangements for the children on a regular basis. The co-operative parenting style generally requires parents to be like-minded in their parenting styles and can overcome their personal differences and resolve any conflict by focusing on the best interests of their children.
2. Parallel Parenting style – this style of parenting after separation will allow children the ability to settle into their situation and although there is not a high level of communication between the parents, the children will experience stability and security. With parallel parenting, each parent runs separate lives from the other and parents the children depending on their style. The children are not exposed to parental criticism nor are they involved in passing messages between the parents. The parents will communicate with each other only when there is important information to share.
3. Conflicted co-parenting style- this style of parenting hurts and harms children both in the short term and long term. Parents who engage in high levels of conflict in the presence of or hearing range of their children have not managed their emotions and have not been able to cope or transition to parenting after separation. The children’s needs and emotions are neglected and forgotten. Children experience longer term problems such as depression, substance abuse and delinquent behaviours. These parents find themselves arguing and litigating many years after the separation has occurred and sadly the only thing that stops the warring parents, is that the children grow into adults.
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