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Did you know that you could literally die from a broken heart? Your divorce or break up could cause you to experience intense stress and heart pain and in extreme cases death. The broken heart condition is a genuine condition known as Takotsubo cardiomyopathy! The condition was first diagnosed in 1990 in Japan. The experience of a break-up is heart-breaking for many people. The feelings are often difficult to describe but if you’ve experienced a romantic break up – they are intense, debilitating and you can feel like your world has stopped. Going through a breakup, can disrupt your world and may cause pain, grief and financial, as well as personal loss. It’s at this time, more than any other time in our lives, where self-care must be a priority – to not only survive this time but importantly thrive and move forward in our lives with confidence, ease and freedom. If you’re feeling like your world has falling apart, you’re not alone. It’s important to recognise and validate your feelings and make a conscious commitment to your well-being and recovery from this life changing event. For those who have children, or property or pets a break-up can be even more difficult because you memories and connections and you may need to have an ongoing relationship with your ex-partner or spouse.
Here are 5 ways to THRIVE your break-up:
1. Meet and mingle. It may be tempting to stay home, eating ice cream and watching endless re-runs of “Friends” or “Madmen” and it’s okay to do this for a while, but eventually re-engaging and connecting with your friends, your colleagues and your community is the best medicine. Recent scientific research shows that isolation and loneliness is just as likely to reduce your lifespan as smoking cigarettes.
Your relationship may be over, but this doesn’t mean that your life is over!
2. Move your body. There is a plethora of scientific research to show that physical exercise will have long-lasting positive effect on your mood, your balance and your mind. Your ability to concentrate and make sensible decisions will as a bonus improve. Not only, will exercise improve your mood but it will also decrease your chances of developing degenerative brain disease as you grow older. Wendy Suzuki is a neuro-physicist who has conducted scientific research to show that the one thing you can do today to decrease your chance of Alzheimer’s or dementia related diseases is to exercise. This does not mean, but you have to take up triathlons or marathons. It does however mean that you incorporate regular physical activity into your day, this could include brisk walking, cycling and weight training. If you’re feeling tired, stressed or anxious- exercise has been shown to improve the quality of our life and to assist in the lifelong management of these stressful events.
3. Talk. This is the time to share your experience, your feelings and your perspective on life. There is nothing shameful about a relationship ending, although it seems that we still carry guilt, blame and resentment. For many people talking about the end of a relationship is challenging and may even be taboo subject. If you feel that it’s too much to talk right now, and perhaps finding an inspiring TED talk or reading a book about healing your heart may help.
You may wish to seek the support of their professional divorce mentor or coach to help you through this difficult time. If you need to see a counsellor or even speak to your doctor about what is going on a few then make the commitment and do so.
4. Forgive Yourself. If and when you’re ready, consider forgiving yourself and even your ex-partner. Although forgiving can be challenging for many people and it’s the last thing that we often want to do, especially when we feel a sense of injustice and we are in pain but again scientific research has shown that when we forgive, let go and move forward we improve our own well-being. We make ourselves happier and give ourselves permission to live and love again. If you’re struggling to forgive perhaps think about the decisions that you have made and think back to when you made them , knowing that you made these decisions with the wisdom, the love and the knowledge that you had at that time. No one is perfect, and no one has the benefit of hindsight.
5. Be kind to you. The end of a romantic relationship can be a time of grief, and heartbreak. It’s natural to feel under the weather and even feel like you’ve been hit by a bus and don’t know whether you can get up the next day. This is a time to be kind to yourself. It may be that you say no to extra work or events that you know will trigger you or that you limit your alcohol intake or get some well-needed sleep by turning off all electronic gadgets an hour before you sleep. It’s okay to have some extra time for yourself, to slow down with the knowledge that you won’t feel like this forever – you’re going through a transition phase. Over time you will heal and you’ll find that spring in your step one more time!
Pamela Cominos is the Principal of Cominos Family Lawyers and the founder and facilitator of The Healthy Divorce Program. For all inquiries please email info@cominoslawyers.com.au or call 02 8999 1800.
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